assiest: life is full of little surprises, for example: ‘dog food lid’ when read backwards is ‘dildo of god’ truly amazing
janeyoucrazy: if you don’t come home and immediately either take off your pants or change into pyjamas then i’m sorry but you’re living life wrong
awkwardvagina: one time my friend asked me to make a playlist for a road trip because their car radio didnt work so i made one that consisted of 14 different versions of party in the usa and long story short im not trusted with bringing music anymore
tapdancers: saw a man at the beach drowning. he yelled ”help, shark, help.” i just laughed. that shark wont help him
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: 3-2-1queer: When I was in fifth grade I realized I liked girls but I was like “that’s a problem for another day” and literally forgot about it and then in like eleventh grade I was like “oh my god” YOU PROCRASTINATED REALIZING YOUR SEXUALITY THAT’S IT YOU WIN YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF THE PROCRASTINATORS i bow to you
vexenort: cumsquats: *cracks an egg on my head* *a lemon falls out* What a time to be alive what the fuck does this post even mean
mom: are you on drugs?
shyguyreyes: 01012012: you never really know someone until you talk to them at 4 am Omg Jeanine and Nick.
deerpong: bowlingforsoup: how many haters does it take to change a lightbulb? none. they fear change, even if it can make the world a brighter place. That was so deep I shit myself
bucklesup: my health teacher asked for different ways to prevent pregnancy and i said “do it in the butt” and i got extra credit because no one has ever said that before
He showed the words ‘chocolate cake’ to a group of Americans and recorded their...– Michael Pollan, In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto (via dark-rye)
fuckheaded: Clearly she wears those short skirts and skimpy tank tops because she wants the d. and by d I mean vitamin d. she wants to soak up as much sun as she can. because revealing clothes are not an invitation for sex u prick
bandbutts: If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore
me: i'm gonna make you mine
me: *right click, save image as*
craplos: ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
freakvevo: *gets my nipples pierced at Claire’s*
shannananan: mercimonamie: i fell in love with him like ketchup falls out of a bottle: slowly, and then all at once. oh my god you managed to one up john green.
rapewhistled: bumrollplease: rapewhistled: *16 year old girl voice* um shut the fuck up thanks i literally say this a hundred times a day *16 year old girl voice* literally.
divinginthedeep: *walks into lunch wearing the same sweatshirt for the fourth time that week* My friend: *bitchy tone* “is that the only sweatshirt you have?” Me: “no, but unfortunately thats the only face you’ll ever have