May 2013
assiest:
life is full of little surprises, for example:
‘dog food lid’ when read backwards is ‘dildo of god’
truly amazing
janeyoucrazy:
if you don’t come home and immediately either take off your pants or change into pyjamas then i’m sorry but you’re living life wrong
awkwardvagina:
one time my friend asked me to make a playlist for a road trip because their car radio didnt work so i made one that consisted of 14 different versions of party in the usa and long story short im not trusted with bringing music anymore
tapdancers:
saw a man at the beach drowning. he yelled ”help, shark, help.” i just laughed. that shark wont help him
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
3-2-1queer:
When I was in fifth grade I realized I liked girls but I was like “that’s a problem for another day” and literally forgot about it and then in like eleventh grade I was like “oh my god”
YOU PROCRASTINATED REALIZING YOUR SEXUALITY THAT’S IT YOU WIN YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF THE PROCRASTINATORS i bow to you
vexenort:
cumsquats:
*cracks an egg on my head* *a lemon falls out* What a time to be alive
what the fuck does this post even mean
mom: are you on drugs?
me: 私は今の薬です
shyguyreyes:
01012012:
you never really know someone until you talk to them at 4 am
Omg Jeanine and Nick.
deerpong:
bowlingforsoup:
how many haters does it take to change a lightbulb? none. they fear change, even if it can make the world a brighter place.
That was so deep I shit myself
bucklesup:
my health teacher asked for different ways to prevent pregnancy and i said “do it in the butt” and i got extra credit because no one has ever said that before
“He showed the words ‘chocolate cake’ to a group of Americans and recorded their...”
– Michael Pollan, In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto (via dark-rye)
fuckheaded:
Clearly she wears those short skirts and skimpy tank tops because she wants the d. and by d I mean vitamin d. she wants to soak up as much sun as she can. because revealing clothes are not an invitation for sex u prick
bandbutts:
If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore
me: i'm gonna make you mine
me: *right click, save image as*
craplos:
ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
freakvevo:
*gets my nipples pierced at Claire’s*
2 tags
shannananan:
mercimonamie:
i fell in love with him like ketchup falls out of a bottle: slowly, and then all at once.
oh my god you managed to one up john green.
rapewhistled:
bumrollplease:
rapewhistled:
*16 year old girl voice* um shut the fuck up thanks
i literally say this a hundred times a day
*16 year old girl voice* literally.
divinginthedeep:
*walks into lunch wearing the same sweatshirt for the fourth time that week*
My friend: *bitchy tone* “is that the only sweatshirt you have?”
Me: “no, but unfortunately thats the only face you’ll ever have
